molester

Kyle: I wish I didn't have any parents!

Cartman: Well, you could make them go away for a while.

Kyle: How?

Cartman: Well, I mean, you could call the police and have them take your parents away.

Stan: The police?

Cartman: Yeah! I saw it on TV. All you gotta do is call the police, and say that your parents both molestered you.

Kyle: What's that?

Cartman: I don't know, but it works. When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.