As soon as old Andrew came home, his wife and he, as was natural, instantly began to converse on the events of the preceding night; and in the course of their conversation Andrew said, Gudeness be about us' Jean, was not yon an awfu' speech o' our bairn's to young Jock Allanson last night?

[…] took him to the nick, stuck him on, and he spent the night in the flowery.

About the only thing M&C is any use for is champagne enemata; ever tried? All those bubbles…

Now I was a forsaken codger snuffling disgracefully from a beautiful floozy's abuse.