I'm not much cop at the decorating lark, am I, Floss? Never mind, Dad.

The UK government has forced itself into a trilemma in which it has adopted three positions, only two of which can be achieved at any one time: to avoid a hard border within the island of Ireland; for the UK as whole to leave both the customs union and the single market; and to rule out any special arrangements for Northern Ireland in relation to a customs union and single market.

Not that one would realise that now, when looking at the quality of its restoration, and of the timber work, panelling, bargeboards, spandrels and cast-iron columns ….

The story struck the depressingly familiar note with which true stories ring in the tried ears of experienced policemen. No one queried it. It was in the classic pattern of human weakness, mean and embarrassing and sad.