Go Peto, to horse: for thou, and I, / Haue thirtie miles to ride yet ere dinner time.

More weird spin on your part. Taking stuff that's not made up, then trying to cram it all together into something that is made up, that's tinfoilhattery.

In the 1860s, the lands beyond the Kuban were settled by Black Sea and Line Cossacks from areas populated earlier...

Amanda is killing it on the trombone!