Everyone's gone down with the flu, and I'm here in the office all by myself.

Department for Transport statistics show that since 2010 overcrowding in the morning peak at 11 cities has risen by 48%, to reach 280,000 standing passengers daily.

Rob Runchy, as a forlorn hope, once threw his clodding leister at a drowning man floating down the Yarrow in a high flood, and hauled him out with the lyams unharmed.

He pooped out a long, large turd.