Chetan Mahajan is a writing coach, blogger and author. To convey coolness he calls himself the Chief Pfaffing Officer of the Himalayan Writing Retreat, which he co-founded.

If there are 3.4 million successful, happy Mandrake users...what the fsck is wrong with me?

A man lay down on his back on a mattress spread on the ground, put his legs up in the air, and on the soles of his feet was placed a massive empty bronze waterjar four feet deep, into the mouth of which climbed a small boy. The man spun it with his feet, tossed it up in the air, caught it on the soles of his feet again, sometimes causing the jar to stand with its mouth uppermost while he spun it round and round, then tossed it up again, and caught it on its side, the boy the whole time sitting unconcernedly inside. . . . It took two men to lift the empty jar on to his feet to begin with, and the most extraordinary thing is the great weight he thus pedipulates.

That's why I scoured our newsroom for red yarn, watched an episode of The Bachelorette during work (shhh, be cool) and tacked pictures of reality TV stars alongside a scrap of notebook paper...