The horses fell down three times, the roads being slippery, and we walked three miles to Linlithgow. There we waited two hours, to have the fresh horses roughshod.
A padded knee shattered my balls. I doubled over in the hallway, coughing up blood and yellow stuff I thought might be bile. Though wracked with pain, I was glad I wore briefs. My tighties kept those precious little orbs in place.
So far, the palace has refused to make a statement about the incorrigible corgis. However, sources believe the feisty snappers have already wounded guardsmen, policemen, footmen and the royal clockwinder.
I christened my new boots today with a walk in the snow.
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