My cringeometer went off the scale as I watched his excruciating performance.

I got as far as mentioning that some of the people she follows are maybe, a bit, fascisty UKIP, and she just gave me a look. “Have you been stalking me? You're weird, David,” she said, biting the rim of her glass.

It is important that all business contracts be reduced to writing.

I have chased after white women to find they only wanted to dance with my anaconda and weren't interested in me as a partner.