It was a derby that left Manchester United a long way back in Manchester City’s wing-mirrors and, in the worst moments, straying dangerously close to being their own worst enemy.

Top tip: Bowling gloves are for sissies, although they look metal as fuck.

Let the grave close over the hand that has laboured through feverish midnights,—over the warm heart that beat so painfully; let the ear be closed to that applause which was its sweetest music;—and then how lavish we grow of all that was before so harshly denied! Then the marble is carved with eulogium; then the life is written; and thousands are lavish of pity and sympathy: every thing is given when it is too late to give anything!

My mother's no fool.