Over in England, an octogenarian is boasting that he’s worn the same pair of pants for 50 years.[…]First reaction to this trouserian durability will be that “They don’t put stuff like that in ’em any more.”

He is said to be a leftenant. Of the police force. A leftenant.

With his right hand, he held the 12-inch bang stick straight out, arm fully extended as the sharks jaws gaped wide to display its full arsenal of frightening weaponry.

calf's-foot jelly