You don’t have a snowball's chance in hell.

The Altamaha-ha, as the serpent has been named, is said to be from twelve to twenty feet long, about two feet in diameter, and gunmetal gray on top with a creamy underside. Most descriptions suggest a creature that is part eel, part alligator, ...

An adult femal Acrobates pygmaeus was obtained from Mr. Alan Vivian, a Telecom technician, who found it in a polehead at Elvina Bay on the western shore of Pillwater, Sydney, on 3 July, 1979.

Tofu is a very difficult product to vacuum pack, though firm tofu is easier than soft.