But most of all, we can’t forget why we needed moderators in the first place: They’re our tummlers, helping us have a good time.

My knees grew weak until I sank, sacklike, onto my mother’s living room carpet.

‘Will you have some coffee, you fellows? – Waiter, bring coffee, and fine-champagne, and cigarettes.’

This grade school thinking forgets that tweens are one of the most sophisticated groups of consumers in the marketplace, and that kids this age have zero tolerance for being treated like children.