One distraught party chairman from Brazil, Maryland, faced with the prospect of a speakerless rally, prayed, FOR GOD'S SAKE SEND US INGERSOLL,...

...we’d sit there watching Wheel of Fortune unless it was Sunday but we never did it on Sunday—and now that I think about it I don’t think we ever did it before seven o’clock—because it always started with Wheel of Fortune...and this girl would always solve the puzzles before me or before anyone on the show except she always had trouble with this one guy who was always getting them after one or two letters and consequently not winning much dough—but we’d watch Wheel and after Wheel we’d watch Jeopardy which again she was much better at than me...

In the ensuing clashes between nouveau-cons and their more or less double-crossed doppelgangers, taking the part of either is to administer the kiss of life to a dying tradition or breathing new life into cacoethics.

You scanned the party daddishly, as if everyone in the room bore some responsibility.