If you wonder why folks can't take the news seriously, here's Exhibit A, said one blogger. Lord Jesus, how can the reporter file this story with a straight face?

the great hierarchal standard

the Duke's army departed unmolested : but the highway along which he retired presented a piteous and hideous spectacle.

Well, Bengal, thy famish'd dead, / (Victim-millions o'er thee spread,) / Forespoke of Erin coffinless!