Simon reposed in the year 1287.

While the artichokes barbecue away and your Australian neighbours ring the fire brigade and police, you and your family and friends stand around and joke and laugh and drink Stanthorpe or Ballandean wine that you bottled yourself out of a few great barrels you had them send up: of course the bottling-bottles are empties of old Fourex largies or Schweppes lemonade, because why let them go to waste?

Fat cat art collectors shelled out thousands of dollars for works by a popular new painter named DaVinci, and hoity-toity critics called him the king of the canvas – till the world learned that DaVinci is a duck! […] And when all those snooty people found out they'd been bamboozled by a bird, you could have knocked them over with a feather.

I had thought, sir, to have held my peace until You have drawn oaths from him not to stay.