Mariah Carey’s memoir opens with the great line: “I refuse to acknowledge time, famously so.” As if to establish the rules of the book, then add, with a toss of hair, but you knew that. Most readers of The Meaning of Mariah Carey, which the record-smashing songstress wrote with Michaela Angela Davis, probably already did know that (and are happy to stick to Mariah’s anti-schedule), but there’s plenty in the 337-page volume that will surprise even the most devoted Lambs.

Gayly-dressed mavournins and blaring bands stepped lively along Fifth Avenue.

Understanding doggo memes requires a previous knowledge of doggo meme jargon, including words such as bamboozled (a word that basically signifies confusion in any context) and bork (for a dog’s bark).

So I did what every ego-minded self would do.