COP stands for conference of the parties under the UNFCCC, and the annual meetings have swung between fractious and soporific, interspersed with moments of high drama and the occasional triumph (the Paris agreement in 2015) and disaster (Copenhagen in 2009).

So plan on doing your own twisting and shouting at the chairful event.

Virgin Media, one of the UK's largest ISPs, has agreed to forward British music industry nastygrams to subscribers suspected of illegal file-swapping.

Last, but not least: Keep the pointy end forward, the dirty side down and dangle the dunlops.