The first thing that came to her awareness was that she was alone in the borrowed bed, wearing nothing but her skimpies.

So if you hear a woman ask in a sing-song voice, “Do ya wanna go for a walkie?” you can probably safely infer that she is talking to her dog; there is a small chance that she is talking to a very young child, but virtually no chance that she is talking to her husband or an adult friend.

“Mark is his own worst enemy. Good night.” True. No enemy however powerful and malicious, can so work a man's ruin as his own unbridled passions and depraved appetites.

Fikayo Tomori, the Chelsea defender, sang “championes, championes” with his winners’ medal swaying from side to side. For Joshua Onomah and Ainsley Maitland-Niles, England banners doubled up as celebratory bandanas.