... Ronnie and I marched in smartly from a side entrance, came to a halt as we hit our mark, did a right-face, clicked our heels, and stood at attention as if we were in drill competition.

Ahem, I'm not French ;-) Darn, right you're not! You used to be a pure cheese monkey. Now, you're simply pure spud.

Visit Iceland this August and you could help to rescue pufflings – baby puffins – who get confused by town street lights and crash into towns when leaving their burrows to fly over the Atlantic for the first time.

Aren't you afraid the neighbours will talk?