But the Canterburians had gone wild with the news. They had rung bells, fired cannon and marched Miss Crandall off to jail, putting her in a cell that had just been vacated by a condemned murderer who had been hanged.

Do you feel lost? Dejected? Are you worried about your upcoming tests and exams? Do you require the spiritual guidance of Our Lord the Bell Curve God, in His wisdom and beauty and everlasting Grace? Then close your eyes and chant this prayer, and all your troubles will be answered by Our Lord the Bell Curve God and washed away: Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be Thy bell curve. Thy midyears come. Thy will be done in O’s as it is in A’s. Give us this day our daily A. And forgive us our subpasses. As we forgive those who give poor peer grading marks to us. Lead us not into them F9s, but deliver us our A1s, GPA 4.0. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

That’s why the bloggerati pounced gleefully last week on the news that one of their own had fallen in love with a commoner, er, commenter.

He formally filed a complaint, which involved much paperwork.