Abby had rigorously polished every single wooden floor with Lynton's pub machine, and they had both inspected every room and amassed a huge pile of papers, documents and old folders, from drawers, chests and desks, all carefully laid out in Uncle William's old study, becoming now the research war-room.

We’re all circumbendibus, / Wherever we may be, / We’re all circumbendibus, / On land or on sea. / Rich or poor or middling, / Wherever we are found, / We’re all circumbendibus, / We’re all going round.

Thought this might be the perfect time to do the Feng Shui so went out and bought Cosmopolitan. Carefully, using the drawing in Cosmo, I mapped the ba-gua of the flat. Had a flash of horrified realization. There was a wastepaper basket in my Helpful Friends Corner. No wonder bloody Tom had disappeared.

Vajazzling, a beauty treatment that involves having little jewels glued to one's pubic area, had a whole episode of TOWIE, currently in its second series, devoted to it.