the news of the fatal battle of Worcester, which exceedingly mortified our expectations

Many a seaman’s life may have depended on equine speed and strength. Some of these ‘Lifeboat Horses’ used to recognise the maroon which was fired to summon the Lifeboat crew. Long after its retirement one of the horses which regularly helped to haul the Hoylake Lifeboat heard a maroon fired one day when it was working in the neighbouring fields. It immediately became very excited and made for the boathouse.

The female Penyroiall[…]staieth a kecklish stomack.

she's never actually told the girls she's still a virgin—that the pinnacle of her sexual experience was giving a pretty cruddy handjob to Jared Wells