The low-level bureaucrat couldn't help us and his boss could have but wouldn't.

And being returned to his Maister, the king demaunding who should be meete to sende againe for that purpose: Answered, if the king had any enemy or euill-willer, to send him. For he should receiue him againe wel whipped and beaten, if he escape with his life.

Now, let me see. When did you want the appointment?

The name gar-pike has gone some way to suggest the non-existent relationship, while (two dorsal fins notwithstanding) the pike-perches look remarkably 'pikey'.