The hyperbolic cosine of zero is one.

Yo' see, it happen so : Marse Chan he wuz a- speakin' down at de Deep Creek Tavern, an' he kind o' got de bes' of ole Cun'l Chahmb'lin. All de white folks laughed an' hoorawed, an' ole Cun'l Chahmb'lin -- My Lawd! I t'ought he'd 'a' bu'st, he was so mad.

I know he hadn’t surfed on a log much in his childhood

Apparently there is little hope for this Spanish Athlete, but the following suggestions are appropriate if he and a few others will only give ear and mind