Montezuma's Revenge, everybody knows, is the persistent intestinal illness that spoils the good humour of tourists in the tropics. Could there be a Montezuma's Revenge of the soul? There could. We caught it.

“Homer’s Triple Bypass” has the potential to be the most depressing episode in the history of The Simpsons, if not television as whole. It is, after all, about a 36-year-old husband and father staring down death and the prospect of leaving his wife a young widow and his small children fatherless.

On special occasions, like when we went to the Marquee in London to see The Damned, I wore: the big black jacket; a black plastic bin-bag with holes cut for arms and head which I emblazoned with safety pins; a pair of vintage gold stilettos; ripped fishnet stockings, and er...that's it.

He was a hot pencil who kept CHP brass happy by writing more tickets than anybody. Secretly, he was using his highly polished Badge 861 1 to stalk young women for weird, sexually tinged power games.