Fazakerley: It cost £76,000 for the specialist removal of 380 tonnes of fly-tipped rubbish that blocked a 100-yard access to the Merseyrail maintenance depot.

‘Of course I do, you great daw.’ She kissed his beautiful mouth and moved his fringe out of his eyes.

By the end of the day Mad Hatter, a ringleader of the software piracy group called the Inner Circle, will have poured 300 Mbytes of illegal “warez” onto the Internet.

The blinding light did not hurt, it filled him, he glowed, all his veins fluoresced, each one alive with new growth.