The beginner's dose may be anywhere from 100 to 250 mikes — micrograms, or millionths of a gram. Most hardened heads need 600 to 800 mikes, and some as many as 1,400 mikes, before they experience any sensation of getting off.

We must imagine this as a set of instructions: go forth and buy tickets, so we can keep making our bonkers explosion-offs for you in the future. When asked if he had enjoyed the film, he said: “I loved it” – twice. He wore a mask.

Yakubu took advantage of John Ruddy's error to put the visitors back in front, with Chris Samba's header stretching their advantage.

His carrying a knife was counter to my plan.