upon his arrival, Lewis discovers that his uncle’s place is no threadbare bachelor pad. It’s a creaky old Victorian mansion, full of overstuffed chairs, flocked wallpaper, stained glass, creepy carnival curios, and dozens and dozens of clocks.

But to put you out of doubt that my wits were not all this while a wol-gathering, I was debating with my selfe whether in loue, it wer better to be constant, bewraying all the counsayles, or secret, being readye euery houre to flinch:

In addition to such creeps, there is also found in various organizations an assortment of longhairs, corny antiques, arky back-numbers, moldy mossbacks, rinky-dinks, tintypes, schmoes and schmaltzes of all flavors.

One or two white gyal / Three or four lighties / Five or six darkies / Seven or eight brownings