And whan the good quene herde these pyteous tydynges lytel lacked that the ne dyed for sorowe / wherfore all lamentably the began to complayne her sayenge.

Suddenly open enrollment struck the Sapphic elite and dykes-for-the-masses were everywhere. We got the Lesbian detective, the Lesbian ghost, the Lesbian vampire, the possessed Lesbian, the Lesbian next door, the Lesbian with a heart of gold, the kept Lesbian, the other Lesbian, the Lesbian amnesiac, the Lesbian with cancer, and just plain Butch.

[…]; so within 2 few dayes after the first Protestation was tendered, they admitted Colonel Popham and Sir Edward Hungerford, with their Regiments, and afterward Colonel Fines without any oppositiog, that so now being backed with so strong a power, they might make the latter Protestation the interpreter of the former Upon the Petition of Mistresse Majoresse, the Lady Rogers, Mistresse Holsworth, Miresse Vicaris, with other Zealous Sisters, to the number of a hundred.

I bruise easily.