Based on the Unabomber’s manifesto, the smash movie of twenty thirty-four will be Barbarians in the Gates, the autobiographical return-to-nature philosophy of Bill Gates, Jr. Starring Oscar-winner, actor Cody Gifford.

Watch me catch this raisin in my mouth.

All this waiting around is really cheesing me off.

As for thee, thou givest me good-morrow with thy one eye and thy lameness and thy ill-omened phiz and I become poor and bankrupt and hungry!