My wife suffers from myrmecophobia. I've spread enough toxic substances to turn our property into a superfund site.

We work out that my weekendly two-and-a-half bottles of Prosecco plus a couple of tequilas gave me a grand total of 26 units. Add to that what I’d drink if I had mid-week dinner plans and my average weekly total, rather worryingly, became 30 units.

If you did but see how silly a Man fumbles for an Excuse, when he's a little asham'd of being in Love.

Bernard: What does it do?Fran: It's very in.Bernard: You don't know what it is, do you?Fran: It's very now.