Using her hands like windshield wipers, she tried to flick snow away from her mouth. When she clawed at her chest and neck, the crumbs maddeningly slid back onto her face. She grew claustrophobic.

STIFFLY If you’re a Brahmin-caste member of the American aristocracy (or six degrees of separation away and want to look like one), Thom Browne delivers excruciatingly high-quality apparel at equally altitudinous prices.

Product benefits are quickly copied, whether it's cleaning power or diaper absorbency.

Here’s to her health and to her offspring haughty — And let the toast be drunk in aqua forty.